Sometimes we have to admit:
I’m not doing so well.
If you’ve never admitted this, then I have to say: you’re probably not doing so well.
Is it okay to say so? Can I be honest about that? I know I’m not supposed to stay there in that dark place, not for long. I know the proper inspiration and theology and clichés to bring me back. I understand I have to crawl to the light soon. But before I climb, I need to tell you:
I’m not doing so well. It hurts. I’m not okay. This is not all right. It’s twisting me in the guts and I’m bleeding from everywhere. Man down. No me gusta. I’m busting up at the seams. And I’ll be down here for a while.
Look me in the eye and tell me it’s okay to say this out loud. Let me feel this out. Let me bleed a little before we clean it up so fast like it never happened. I need to hurt. Then it might be okay.
— J.S.
(via jspark3000)
This afternoon I received my first official commissioned artwork for an A3 floral watercolour painting and the customer has already paid in full, my heart has exploded with happiness
and try to share it with those I love
but who don’t love me back.
There’s always silence at the end of the phone."
It’s unfair to rush someone into forgiveness. It’s powerful and necessary, but forgiveness isn’t a one-time moment that magically seals up the wound. It takes a deliberate, daily battle over a lifetime. That occasional angry twitch doesn’t mean you’ve failed at finding peace; it’s only part of the process, and ignoring it could be worse. The hurt was very real, because it meant something. That’s no excuse to hold a grudge for long, but no one is allowed to rush your healing, including you. No one can just “get over it.” But I do hope to see you on the other side, where there’s freedom. You can take all the time you need, and I’m with you.